Dear Abby: My niece is getting married, but she didn’t invite us to her wedding

DEAR ABBY: My niece is getting married. We’ve received a wedding invitation, RSVP and all, but it’s only addressed to my two 11-year-old identical twin daughters. My husband and I are not invited to the wedding or the reception. There has been no communication about how child care will be provided for both events.

Confused, I texted my niece and expressed my desire to talk about a possible discord in our relationship and work out anything that might be bothering her about me or what I may have done. She texted back saying her wedding is “intimate” and that she’s only inviting people she’s close to and who play an active role in her life. She hopes that I can respect her decision and still allow my daughters to attend. Granted, we’re not very close, but every difference we’ve ever had, I’ve taken the lead in communicating, apologizing, and moving forward with resolution and certainty.

My niece often has her mom (my sister) ask me if she can spend time with my daughters and when I agree to come with them, she tells mom to tell me, “You’re not invited, just the girls. ” I know something is missing, but she refuses to speak, just text. This type of conversation cannot be done via text.

I will respect all of my niece’s decisions, but I feel like she is making passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters don’t want to go and are hurt that she treats me so badly. More importantly, how can I encourage a close relationship between her and my daughters when she has a history of disrespecting me and how I want my daughters to be cared for? – EXCLUDED IN CALIFORNIA

BELOVED EXCLUSION: I suspect your niece may be trying to turn your daughters hostage to antagonize you. I don’t think you should send them to a family party that you are excluded from, especially given the fact that they are not eager to go. Nor do I think you should encourage them to have a close relationship with someone as manipulative as your niece appears to be. If she has a bone to pick with you, she needs to do it directly so it can be picked. In the meantime, please don’t play her game, because that’s what it is.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago I separated from my husband of many years because of his infidelity. I returned to my hometown and am working to improve myself and build a happier life. While I no longer have interest in him, I still find myself putting off filing for divorce. How can I motivate myself to take this important step? — READY TO DRIVE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GATI: You are still a work in progress. When you are ready for a happier life, maybe if you meet someone and want to create a permanent relationship, you will be motivated to break off that last relationship. In the meantime, consult an attorney about any potential risks, including financial, to remaining legally married to your husband.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.